Greetings Subordinates. This is my first message as your divine leader, keep calm and all praise be to me.
First and foremost I would like to welcome you all to a new season. I’m looking forward for the new season to start. We are less than 2 weeks before we go preseason starts in its fullest, however those of us who have off seasoned well, training is running on Tuesday.
The Wanderers are a big part of my life and I’m sure it is in your own as well. I’ve written a brief synopsis of my life.
Born and raised in the Highvelt of South Africa, I had a normal childhood for anyone from that region. I ran around the farm barefoot, threw the rugby ball around, rode an antelope to school, and studied the filmography of Orson Wells. I learnt bushcraft, I am able to hunt and skin a Springbok (I have a hide on my living room floor), and I can also crochet a lovely sweater like an absolute G.
After attending Nelson Mandela University with a Bachelors in Delegation, I decided to leave the motherland. I went in search for adventure and followed the well beaten track around the Continent of Africa and my life changed when I got to Sierra Leone. During a drinking session in which a had a few too many Malibu and Cokes, I joined a high stakes poker match with some shifty looking former Colonels in the RUF. Upon loosing a hand on the river (9 high flush, compared to pair of 7s), I was tasked with smuggling rough diamonds out of the country. I made my way to Liberia with the stones secreted in an undignified orifice, once I dropped off the diamonds with one of the Colonels contacts I promised myself to leave Africa for good.
I sold all of my belongings except for my favourite Springboks jersey, and I bought a one way ticket to South East Asia. I have since made Singapore my home, and gone on to represent them at National Level, which makes me an International Rugby Superstar of the same pedigree of Francois Pienaar and Joel Stransky. However as part of national duty I was placed in the “fat boys club” which I feel is harsh and fat shaming to the more voluptuous players of our fine sport.
Nowadays I am a family man, with my wonderful wife and hound. I do miss the Motherland and will always be a South African at heart, I love nothing more than watching the Bokke, playing for Wanderers, having a Braai, and swilling a cold San Mig. I will strive to be the best president a give back to the club that has given me so much; I have been reading the memoirs of President Nixon, Idi Amin, and FW de Klerk in order to learn how to best serve my club.
Lets all have a Lekke season and push ourselves hard.